The title of this piece is: Sad Clowns & Suicidal Christians. Of which both apply to me. It’s a common idea that Comedians are screwed up. Between the horrible home I grew up in, to the abuse of my Mother and neglect of my father. To my Cousin committing suicide, and to living in the fear of my Mother’s boyfriends and controlling tyraids of my mother…to a life long battle with mental illness with frequent bouts of depression and tendencies towards suicide – which I call the nagging spirit despair…I can tell you, I am well qualified to join the sad clown club.
I’m not sure if you’ve ever heard this line before, but it’s often said that “Christians shouldn’t be sad. “ one of the first times I met someone that actually believed this bullshit coming out of their mouth was right after I graduated college…a well meaning acquaintance took me out for pizza and asked me how I was doing…after telling him about the hard year I was having in living in the grief of giving my only daughter up for adoption…after a few bites of pizza this guy said, “you David Christians shouldn’t get sad.”
It took me everything I had to not throw him out the window. Of course I’m no idiot, I’ve read the bible….I know he was well intentioned, but just theologically misinformed…the joy of Jesus, yes gives invitation to a life of renewal, regeneration, and resurrectional meaning to our lives…but the thought that this turns us into some type of robotic clone of eternal emotional optimism is just such a load of shit.
It’s not that Christians shouldn’t get sad…it’s that Christians have hope that go deeper than their pain and beyond their sadness.
I can’t remember what I said to the college acquaintance that said this to me…I’m sure I just politely disagreed or at most sternly rejected this sentiment…but hignedsight…I wish I had told him to go and read his bible, and pay attention to the countless words of men and women who could hardly dry their tears of suffering…Jesus Christ included when he wept in the garden of gesethame…but did this make Jesus any less faithful, or trusting of his Abba, or hopeful of the will of Divine Compassion?
Of course not.
The reason I bring up this point and sentiment…is there is a cruel lie that both Christianity and our current culture tell you…and that’s if the cheese is falling off your cracker…you should keep it to yourself…
Both cultures give you a picture of perfection. They just underline different sentiments. One is about beauty and achievement as the world defines it. And the other is beauty and achievement as the Christian defines it….
Notice I didn’t say…the beauty and achievement as The God who is Love…defines it…because if I did…you would know that there is no need to hide your tears. For God finds you beautiful no matter what…God is not derailed or distracted by your mistakes, misgivings, greivenances, or guilty…He finds you absolutely irresistible…nor is His love prohibited by how much you fail or given out based on how much you succeed…He is quick and ready to pour out His love on you…for simply showing up to the party…..
But both the camp of our culture and the camp of Christianity rarely tolerate weakness or weakness. They turn away their heads towards whatever goes against the flow of their moral standards and principles and priorities…but dear ragamuffin…God never turns his head away from you.
Matter of fact when everyone is turning away he turns towards you….and maybe…just maybe…this is why he allows you to seemingly go through his trial…so with everyone turning away …you will finally be able to see the one pair of eyes looking at you that matter…His.
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